Roberta Kept a Diary...Great Stuff

Well, it is Halloween.  And the question has been looming. What should I dress up as?  This Halloween I debated on costumes.  Should I be Dorothy? Well Dorothy no longer really fits.  You see I am no longer just Dorothy Gale from Kansas.  I have learned how to be both a good witch and a bad witch and frankly outside of her epic shoes I am growing tired of her.  A second option was to consider the peculiar Anastasia Steele.  Ah the fair innocent girl dominated by the rich and famous Christian Grey.  My sarcastic side considered this as a quite viable option. Yes I read the trilogy and took it for the good fun it was. However when it comes down to it I just can’t support literature I could write myself while gagged and blindfolded.  Then Sandra Dee popped into my head.  A pink lady might be fun, however a credible far away friend forbid me to go down this path and the recent weather apocalypse that has pummeled the east coast made this lady simply unacceptable at this time.

I am also lazy. So the search was on for a blonde subject. But who should I impersonate? After a lot of brainstorming with my very far away friend the personality began to unfold. You see many many many moons before Eat, Pray Love there was a female character who broke a few of society’s rules.  Her name was simply Susan.  Simple was she not. Susan would re-enter into New York City by bus with merely a skull cladded hat box.  She had street smarts, personality and made absolutely no apologies.  She owned her style. 

On March 29, 1985 the film Desperately Seeking Susan was released. And for me this is the Madge I will always remember and love.  Madonna was in Abu Dhabi this past year and in Kansas City last night on the eve of Halloween.  Unfortunately I did not attend either show but after re-entering back into the United States via New York City with a little more spunk, determination and confidence I feel I’ve made a good decision to kick it Susan style.  So this year’s Halloween costume is for all the re-formed ‘Robertas’ out there who are bravely filling their diaries with a little less beige and living a little less desperate.

 

The Un-United Colors of Un-Employees

Unemployable.  What comes to mind when you think of this word?  Is it negative or positive?  Since I have been in the US for the past 60 days I have taken every possible opportunity to visit with fantastic people all over the country who are taking a road less traveled and creating a new ‘outside the box’ way of life. United Colors of Benetton is creating some buzz with their recent ad campaign.  The campaign targets 20-somethings which is fair enough I suppose.  However, being the curious researcher that I am.  I have spent the past 60 days talking with reformed unemployables as such.  They are not wearing buttons downs and khakis and really have no need for the business casual corporate uniforms.  In New York I met a gentleman who lived in Brooklyn and worked as a waiter in the city at night and during the day he and his brother own and operate a street side food van selling primarily their homemade Mexican cuisine.  He left the life on Wall Street. 

Emily who works at a local paper part-time manages the ‘celebrations’ for the community and at night she is an instructor at the YMCA.  She too was previously a part of the 8-5pm crowd.  Ellen who is nearly 65 has worked for a cruise line for 30 years and has NEVER held a true land based permanent address outside of the sea.  I am not completely discounting corporate America. I was a part of it and learned a lot but it is refreshing to see so many people re-defining what the American dream looks like and how they are choosing to live.  So Benetton here is some free pro-bono market research for you to ponder as you sit behind the glass focus group wall. Don’t forget to also beef up on the t-shirts, jeans and yoga pants lines. This is what many former ‘unemployables’ will actually be wearing.    

What Would Mary Do?

As I said this blog will not follow any sense of chronological order and tonight it is 3am and I can’t sleep so I am plunking on the keyboard to pacify a little insomnia. Over two years ago I was facing probably the greatest decision that I had yet dealt with as a single woman.  I had experienced my first job layoff after leading a pretty steady Eddie life transitioning fairly easily from high school, to college, to my first ad agency job and then on to subsequent corporate jobs with greater job titles and salaries. Then the bottom fell out. I looked around my fancy apartment with granite counter tops and Jacuzzi style tub that I used too infrequently and wondered what the f&*k am I going to do now? This is not a new or real interesting story. The recession hit most smack square between the eyes. I was fortunate.  I was offered an opportunity to move abroad…to the Middle East…more specifically to Dubai in the United Arab Emirates.  I had never been outside of North America.  Life as I knew it was about to change. It was the scariest and most risky thing I had ever done. I plan on sharing my stories about this international experience but tonight I am fast-forwarding to the present day.  I am now back in the United States in Kansas. I am nearly 41 years old. I am unemployed. I am living at my parents’ house. I am single. Now don’t go signing me off just yet…

I have learned a lot. I have experienced plenty and had many adventures. I have realized I am a stronger person than I previously thought I was capable of being, but as with any life change what keeps you up in the middle of the night is wondering what will happen next?  It has been 60 days since I’ve been back in America.  And while I have a lot to be grateful and thankful for, my archenemy right now is indecision. As I reconnect with acquaintances and friends the one lingering question is: so Jules, how are you doing?  This blog is my therapy. It is where I will honestly answer this question - How is Jules doing? Right now I am lost. I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know where I want to live.  All I know is right now in my heart it is the right decision for me to be back in America.  

However, it was a decision that was harder to make than leaving the United States to go to Dubai.  Leaving for Dubai I was naïve and I knew nothing of what would come.  Coming back to the United States I knew my experiences had changed me. Could I adapt back home? Will it be enough?  Do I want more?  When I flew back in to America I had a fantastic holiday with friends in New York City. It was a great transition back to the United States as Dubai had over 128 different nationalities living in the city.  And for the past two months I have kept myself busy reconnecting with friends, family and emerging myself in personal projects that have served as a major distraction.  And that distraction is to avoid thinking about what I want to do next for the short term. All sorts of things have crossed my mind from going back to school and working in a boutique store, to working temp jobs and writing the great novel or yes just finding a job.  I am one of the lucky ones. I am lucky to have a supportive family.  I am lucky to have a roof over my head. I am lucky to have good friends. I am lucky to have the ability to battle indecision right now.  

So what is keeping me sane besides the blog?  Well I am learning for the first time in my life how to really breathe. Yoga. This late summer I swam laps in the pool and I am taking the time to visit and listen to each person I come into contact with. I am laughing.  I am crying and I am yelling.  How very un-Mary Tyler Moore like I know.  I am enjoying spending time with my parents and I am taking the time to really listen to them and their lifetime of stories.  They will be celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary in early October.  A lifetime of experience, learning and growing together that amazes me as a single person.  We will be taking a road trip to Santa Fe, New Mexico and on to see family in Phoenix next week.  We are very lucky to have this time together.  Ahhh heavy sigh.  Do you hear that Mary?  It is called breathing.  I think we are going to make it after all. 

A Little Latin Does a Closet Good

In medias res is a fancy Latin phrase for beginning ‘in the middle of things…’ The good woman of the pasture taught us well. A little high-school inside joke. Who am I? I am a single nearly 41-year old woman who has just returned from living a life as an expatriate in Dubai, United Arab Emirates for nearly two years. I now live back in the Midwest. Have the middle-ista euphemisms stabbed you in the eye yet? Before this international experience I organized the clothes in my closet in descending color order from light to dark. Do you want to go out on a date? Exactly! The sticky messy center of things is always where the real action is. It is where we spend the majority of our life and often where we feel most uncomfortable. This blog is simply my therapy. There will be no chronological order or any consistency in subject matter to the posts. I thank you in advance for joining me in the randomness.