As I said this blog will not follow any sense of
chronological order and tonight it is 3am and I can’t sleep so I am plunking on
the keyboard to pacify a little insomnia. Over two years ago I was facing
probably the greatest decision that I had yet dealt with as a single woman. I had experienced my first job layoff after
leading a pretty steady Eddie life transitioning fairly easily from high school,
to college, to my first ad agency job and then on to subsequent corporate jobs
with greater job titles and salaries. Then the bottom fell out. I looked around
my fancy apartment with granite counter tops and Jacuzzi style tub that I used
too infrequently and wondered what the f&*k am I going to do now? This is
not a new or real interesting story. The recession hit most smack square
between the eyes. I was fortunate. I was
offered an opportunity to move abroad…to the Middle East…more specifically to
Dubai in the United Arab Emirates. I had
never been outside of North America. Life
as I knew it was about to change. It was the scariest and most risky thing I
had ever done. I plan on sharing my stories about this international experience
but tonight I am fast-forwarding to the present day. I am now back in the United States in Kansas. I am nearly 41 years old. I am
unemployed. I am living at my parents’ house. I am single. Now don’t go signing
me off just yet…
I have learned a lot. I have experienced plenty and had many
adventures. I have realized I am a stronger person than I previously thought I
was capable of being, but as with any life change what keeps you up in the
middle of the night is wondering what will happen next? It has been 60 days since I’ve been back in
America. And while I have a lot to be grateful
and thankful for, my archenemy right now is indecision. As I reconnect with acquaintances
and friends the one lingering question is: so Jules, how are you doing? This blog is my therapy. It is where I will
honestly answer this question - How is Jules doing? Right now I am lost. I
don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know where I want to live. All I know is right now in my heart it is the
right decision for me to be back in America.
However, it was a decision that was harder to make than leaving the
United States to go to Dubai. Leaving
for Dubai I was naïve and I knew nothing of what would come. Coming back to the United States I knew my
experiences had changed me. Could I adapt back home?
Will it be enough? Do I want more? When I flew back in to America I had a
fantastic holiday with friends in New York City. It was a great transition back
to the United States as Dubai had over 128 different nationalities living in
the city. And for the past two months I
have kept myself busy reconnecting with friends, family and emerging myself in personal
projects that have served as a major distraction. And that distraction is to avoid thinking
about what I want to do next for the short term. All sorts of things have
crossed my mind from going back to school and working in a boutique store, to
working temp jobs and writing the great novel or yes just finding a job. I am one of the lucky ones. I am lucky to
have a supportive family. I am lucky to
have a roof over my head. I am lucky to have good friends. I am lucky to have
the ability to battle indecision right now.
So what is keeping me sane besides the blog? Well I am learning for the first time in my
life how to really breathe. Yoga. This late summer I swam laps in the pool and I
am taking the time to visit and listen to each person I come into contact with.
I am laughing. I am crying and I am
yelling. How very un-Mary Tyler Moore
like I know. I am enjoying spending time with my parents and I am taking
the time to really listen to them and their lifetime of stories. They will be celebrating their 50th
wedding anniversary in early October. A
lifetime of experience, learning and growing together that amazes me as a
single person. We will be taking a road
trip to Santa Fe, New Mexico and on to see family in Phoenix next week. We are very lucky to have this time together. Ahhh heavy sigh. Do you hear that Mary? It is called breathing. I think we are going to make it after all.
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